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 Today, our friend Bleu learned that she has lost her two little angels. We send all our love and good energy to her and her beautiful son during this difficult time. Those of you who have suffered this horrible type of tragedy understand better than I, but there truly are worse things than not ever getting a BFP......getting one, only to Miscarry before ever having the opportunity to meet your sweet blessings. We have other friends who have been thru miscarriages, including our good friend Gia and know that this is unfortunately a common occurrence and one you never forget or truly get over. However, we hope all of our friends still ttc get their wonderful little additions to their families.

BB & Joy
 
 
 
 
 
 
Well, NO ONE wants to be pregnant and have a baby more than me. 
BUT, I had the swimmers shipped on Monday to be received on Tuesday because Wed would be CD14. 

Well, genius that I am, I didn't have them shipped early. Guess what? I showed my surge at 2:45 this morning (Tues), I am one of those crazy people who ovulates soon after my surge. So, here I am with no sperm and ovulating between 6 and 8 on Tues morning. I have clear signs when I'm ovulating, as well as plenty of twinges and discomfort. So, I had no doubt we were going to miss the big O and had 2 vials sent. So, I contacted our Great DR. at the sperm bank and told her I would be sending them back because of bad timing.
But, you know what? 

I completely believe that everything happens for a reason. So, I think my body was sending me a sign and telling me it wasn't ready to go this month. Since I've been reading this book about TCM and infertility, I'm taking this opportunity to look into TCM and see what I can do to help our chances. I called Tuesday morning to a clinic that does acupuncture and focuses on TCM for different things, including infertility. I have a consultation appointment for Sunday (yes, I said Sunday!!) I'm so excited that this seems to be a clinic that is open some extended hours. Hopefully the practitioners will be helpful and open to helping us as a couple.
I'll wait until after the consult to see what he says, but I'm sure this could cause us to take some additional time off to get seriously started with acupuncture and maybe some diet changes. 
For any of you that read our blog and do or have done acupuncture, can you give me an idea of the range of $$$ charged?
I'll find out Sunday for sure, but just trying to be prepared for what we are looking at. Whatever it is, we've decided it won't cost as much as it will to do injectibles thru an RE.
Thanks for reading and have a Great rest of the week!!
I also want to give a big CONGRATULATIONS to Bleu, she got to see two sacks, looking like twins!!! She has had previous m/c's, so cautiously optimistic right now but we are SO EXCITED for her rand praying and crossing everything that they both stick!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
My last post was very hopeful about our timing with Joy for the month of January. As I'm sure you could imagine, I would have definitely posted had we gotten a BFP. So, needless to say, we were not lucky again. 
Joy came to the decision after this last month that she wanted us to try again with me. She is concerned about her weight being a factor working against her getting pregnant. 
We've decided to try from home with me this month and if that doesn't work again, we have the card for a Reproductive/Fertility Dr. who we will then contact. Our reason for delaying going down this path is because our Insurance will not cover ANYTHING for Infertility. So, if the Dr. says we need to try using injectibles, we will be out the total cost of the meds and all ultrasounds that they feel they need to do. We are still using our "super swimmers" that we used with Joy last try, hoping he will get me pg this try. I'm not feeling negative about this try working, but I'm not exactly full of optimism either. Afterall, we have already tried 12 times with me with NO success. But, we haven't used this donor on me yet and we are ordering two vials, so we'll give it all we've got this month and see how it goes!! My O date should be the middle of this next week (Feb 19-22), and then on to more waiting. 
I think the most frustating part of this is that money could be the one thing that would be able to keep us from achieving our dreams of having a baby. I know that isn't specific to us, I have plenty of on-line friends who are in the same boat and know exactly how we are feeling. 
I've bought a book this weekend about infertility and ways that Western Medicine can combine with more holistic treatments (TCM) can combine to help achieve pregnancy.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Well, we did two IUI's for month#4 with Joy. We did one IUI on Thursday night (CD15) and one 12 hours later, this morning (CD16). Everything I saw, looked to me like we finally have a month where I feel like our timing was as close to PERFECT as we will ever get without medical intervention. 
TMI ALERT...
Joy's surge didn't show up until the evening of Cycle day 14 (Wed). When she took another OPK the next morning, the 2nd line was almost gone. (For those not TTC, her surge was gone, she could ovulate anytime within the next 48 to 72 hours.)  My initial reaction to the disappearing line was OH MY GOD, we missed it and we have two vials of SPERM sitting in a tank in our bathroom!! Thank god Joy was in the shower when I saw this, so she didn't see my initial reaction and me almost passing out with a panic attack. After I got myself calmed down somewhat, I told Joy I'd seen the stick and we decided on our timing for the 2 IUI's. 
We had no problem with either of them. Thursday night CM (Cervical Mucus) was nice and clear and her cervix was open. When we did the one Friday morning, her CM was just slightly milky, but not very thick yet. Her cervix was just as open Friday morning as Thursday night, so that sounds good as well. Although we hadn't planned it this precisely, we wound up doing them 12 hours and 15 minutes apart. Which was how close together our Dr. suggested we space them. 
If you've read my prior posts, you know how much "fun" the speculum has been for Joy during our tries with her. Well, the whole procedure is not comfortable and I had to keep telling her during Thursdays to "relax" because she kept tightening her legs anticipating the uncomfortable speculum. Fridays went so smoothly, probably because we were both half asleep at 5AM, that she never tightened up at all and when I finished and immediately removed the speculum, as usual, she asked "Are you done already?". I have to say it made me think of being a man with a small penis and having a woman say "Are you in yet?"!! It cracked me up and when I told her, it cracked her up too!!! 
Of course, she has been married and new someone she would have said that about, so that makes it even funnier.

So, there you have it. We've done all we can possibly do and are hoping that she doesn't have a whole basketball squad of babies!! But, at this point, we are TRULY just wanting to be mommies and hope this was the time that did it!
Thanks for any of you that read our blog, especially those friends of our who are not ttc. It means a lot to know that you are willing to endure our obsessiveness in this journey and want to be a part of it, if only by being willing to read and keep up with us. To all of our TTC sisters, may we all get our family additions for 2008!!
 
 
 
 
 
 

Well, here we are another month without a BFP. Actually, we didn't even make it long enough to test this month!! With the Holidays and us being so busy, we didn't have time to dwell too much during this TWW. That part is good. Joy asked me Wed night when I thought she should test. Thursday is 12 days past Insemination, so I said we should maybe wait until Friday to test. She had a yucky feeling in her belly on the way to work Thursday morning and e-mailed me before 11 AM to tell me she had started. DAMN!!!! (that was my actual reply)
I realize this is not an EXACT science and I think 2++ years and 15 combined tries now gives us reason to be tired of trying and not getting a single positive test. We both know that it will SOOOO be worth it when we do have that bundle of joy in our arms. But, right now those feelings of "will it ever happen for us" are hard to hold at bay. All of our friends who have, or still are TTC understand that feeling around the Holidays and how each Christmas, Thanksgiving, Birthday make you feel like another year of failures and anticipation. And, as for the Birthdays, another year older and still no baby to love.
OK, enough venting.... 
We have called our OB/GYN to see if she will start Joy on Clomid or Femara. When we first told her we wanted to start trying with Joy, she told us to try 2 or 3 months and then call her for Meds. This seems like where we are. This was try #3 with Joy. I asked Joy if she wanted to skip this step with the OB and go straight to the Fertility Dr. and she said "NO". I think it is just something about the words Fertility Dr. that is intimidating. I know it has been for me. Mainly because you immediately feel like a failure for not being able to get PG to start with. Then, my first thought was, we can't afford to do IVF, so we don't need to even bother going to that Dr. 
But, our first fear was that there weren't any Fertility Dr's (RE) in our Area (Bible Belt) that would be willing to help us as a couple, conceive a child. We changed to this OB about a year and a half ago and when I got my last BFN, after 12 tries, she gave us a card for an RE who would be willing to help us in our area. That was such a relief.
I had told Joy, if we started trying with me again in the future, whether for #1 or #2, I wanted to go directly to the RE and not mess around with anything else.
The plus side of the RE is that they would monitor Joy during the month and see what kind and size of eggs she is producing.  
So, we are in limbo at the moment as to when we will be able to try again. I'll update when we know something.

 
 
 
 
 
 

Well, we did luck try # 3 Saturday. We ordered 2 vials of "swimmers" and were just waiting for Joy to "O". Friday evening, when she tested, it didn't look as dark as the Reference Line to her. But, Saturday morning, there was a very faint line, that told us it must have been the surge Friday evening. So, we got ready Saturday afternoon, to "do the deed". We could either do one Saturday and one Sunday, or do both of them Saturday. Well, knowing that the egg is only viable for about 8 to 12 hours after Ovulation actually occurs, I wanted us to have the best chance of having swimmers there and waiting when it released. So, I asked Joy what she thought about us doing both vials at the same time. She was fine with it. Hey, we also wouldn't have two rounds of "Speculum Stress"!! 
Although both vials of swimmers didn't want to fit in the syringe at the same time, I did manage to get this to happen after a few tries. All the while, keeping them warm!!
The IUI itself was very uneventful, thank goodness. So, on December 22nd, we hope we took the first step in making our baby!!! We will act and talk as thought we are Pregnant until or unless given reason to feel otherwise!! 


MERRY CHRISTMAS to anyone who reads this!!

 
 
 
 
 
 

Well, unfortunately I'm on here again to report another BFN!!! 
What a frustrating thing to have to report. The good thing is that we think we are getting Joy's cycle down better and have more comfort in our timing and the OPK's we are using. The bad thing is that patience is not a virtue when your biological clock is ticking so loud you can hear that over your heartbeat in your ear!! We're hopeful that the things we've found out will let this next month be our BFP month. 
Joy's cycle has been different than normal and I'm hoping this is a good sign of things to come as well. She didn't start full-on the first day, which alone is enough to give you false hope. But, on CD2, when she did start full-on, it was BRUTAL. She was much heavier than usual. I know there are women on-line and IRL that have told me how heavy and crampy they were with their last cycle before getting their BFP. I know you can read a lot into anything that you want to read into, but it gives us hope and makes us more optimistic.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
We both LOVE Christmas time and are very much in the spirit of the Holidays. But, we don't either one get into buying much for each other for Christmas. We buy plenty for our relatives and enjoy doing so. But, to us, Christmas is so much about KIDS and the looks on their faces and the wonder in their eyes as they look at all the lights and the way they light-up when they see Santa in the Mall. These are the things we look forward to seeing our child(ren) experience. We can't wait to get our BFP just to know that the next Christmas will hopefully start the traditions we will have as our own family. I plan on posting again before then, but for any of those actually reading this, 
We Wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

 
 
 
 
 
 

I've been a horrible blogger lately, but not had much to share. We had a work trip that we took the last weekend of October. It was a lot of work, but we had a GREAT time!! The trip was to Atlanta for the Nascar weekend. We both enjoy Nascar, so this was a good time for us. 
As for the ttc journey, while in Atlanta, Joy had thoughts of wanting/needing to get in better physical shape and wanting to lose some weight. She started having second thoughts about being the carrying momma. We did lots of walking over that trip and made us both realize how out of shape we are. The thoughts of NOT carrying, didn't last too long. Two days later, she was fine and ready to try again with her. 
We should have swimmers arriving at the house on Wednesday, Nov. 21st. That will be CD13 for her and she should O within two days of that. We are using two vials this month, to try to cover all of our bases. Since we have just recently started trying with her, and don't have much historical data on her O day, we are wanting to try one "shot" shortly after the surge, and another 24 hours later. Since we didn't have as smooth of a time doing the Insem last time, I've suggested she have a couple of glasses of wine and try to relax before each Insem. For those of you who have done the IUI's at home, you understand how much more difficult it is when the "patient" is tensed up at all. 

If I didn't love her so much it would be easier to act like the Dr's or NP's and just stick the speculum in and turn it without worrying about being gentle. But, alas, I love this beautiful woman more than life itself and would NEVER forgive myself if I hurt her in any way. 
We are off for the Thanksgiving Holiday and the day after, we've even taken off the following Monday because we have Vacation days we must burn before the end of the year and she is limited as to the days she can use them.
Hope anyone who reads this has a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving. Please say a prayer for us to have smooth and successful inseminations this weekend.

 
 
 
 
 
 

Well, as you can tell from the title, we didn't get lucky this 1st try with Joy. We are both fine with it and are looking forward to our next try. Unfortunately, we will be out of town with a company trip when she will be ovulating this next month and will have to wait a month. I'm still hopeful, as is Joy, that this won't take us very long with her. But, as we all know, it's a crap shoot!! Not much else for us to update right now. Thanks for all of you who have sent messages of luck and concern. We're so ready for something to celebrate and hope to have that by Christmas!!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 Well, I'm a little behind with posting about this because I've been a little under the weather. And, poor Joy doesn't even know how to get to this blog without me saving it as a favorite, so she couldn't post either. 
So, Saturday September 29th was the BIG day for us. We had done a "test" run with the speculum on Thursday evening to see if I could do the hardest part and make sure that I could see where I needed to "shoot" the swimmers. That went OK. Joy was a little nervous and I'm sure it didn't feel great, like it ever does when you go to the GYN and have a pap?! But, I could see everything I needed to see and we talked about what I was going to do when the time was right. I felt much better about it, but Joy wasn't sure she wanted me to do the IUI. She had in mind that I was going to do an ICI, without inserting the catheter into the Cervix to the Uterus. Well, it's just a little bit further to do the IUI and the good Dr. at our Bank had sent all the supplies for an IUI, like she has in the past. So, after assuring Joy I would do everything I could to make sure she wasn't in any pain, I described to her what she could expect to feel and that seemed to make her feel more at ease with the IUI. 

Saturday morning didn't worry me nearly so much after that and I expected it to go off without a hitch. Well, that was my first mistake. When I had put in the speculum Thursday evening to do the test, Joy had told me how she could feel it scrape. I remembered this feeling well from the IUI's she had done on me. So, on Saturday I was trying to avoid this discomfort and tried to pull the speculum out just a hair as I turned it to keep from scratching her. Instead, this was keeping it from staying in place and was causing her much more discomfort. Yeah, not exactly what I was going for!! After trying this twice, I had to wait for a while before trying again so Joy could try to relax. 
She had a procedure done right before we moved here after an abnormal pap and went thru horrible pain. Turns out my repeated scraping brought back the feelings and pain from that procedure and she was more than a little emotional. 
Believe it or not, she actually let me near her again with the speculum and we finally got the insemination completed. 

Now we are officially into the tww, the first one for her. 
I guess now we just need to wait and enjoy all the made-up symptoms that her body can throw at her and hope for a positive in a couple of weeks. I'm so hopeful that we will be lucky with this working for the 1st time with her. It has to happen for someone on the 1st try, right? Why not her? For anyone who reads this, please send positive and sticky thoughts our way for this to take. 

We so want to be Moms and just can't wait for it to happen.