September 5th, 2008

Some progress, but more waiting to do...

It's been so long since I've posted, but not because nothing is happening. It's just that what has been happening is that more roadblocks have popped up along this journey and we STILL aren't ready to try with our RE yet. Oh, where to begin??

Let's see, while we waited for our required therapist appointment to come along, we both had to have blood work done. We were off on a Friday about 6 weeks ago now and decided to go ahead and have this done. Do we know how to enjoy a day off work, or what??

We had our therapist appointment and really, really liked her. It was an appointment to basically make sure we've thought of all the challenges we will face as a family and make sure we are on the same page about how we will handle those. The GREAT, but SOO NOT SURPRISING part, is that we were on exactly the same page on all the things discussed, even those that Joy and I had not spoken specifically about.
I got a call 5 weeks ago from the Dr's office to tell me the results of the test. I've had two prior blood tests done by other Dr's and had no weird or concerning results, so no big deal with this one, right? WRONG!!
First, my hormone levels all looked good, my thyroid results looked good. BUT, there was a portion of the test they are concerned about: I was showing positive for past exposure to CMV. But, don't fear, over 75% of the population has had CMV in their lifetimes and not even known it. But, I was also testing positive for having the virus currently active in my body. (???) Because of this, my RE will not move forward with an Insemination until I retest in 6 weeks and find that it's no longer active. I had never heard any specific information about CMV and didn't know what the concerns were, I just knew it was another month after our therapist appointment now before we would be able to talk to the RE about our next step, not even ready to try at that time. When I started doing some research, the decision to not inseminate made perfect sense. I could pass this along to our unborn child and would have an increased possibility of them being born with mental retardation, cystic fibrosis and other medical concerns. OK, so that made me think "someone up there is watching out for us to help us find this out and not be pregnant with this going on so we are not putting our child at greater risk."
Our RE also wanted me to have and HSG test done to make sure my tubes were clear. I've had this done 2 other times, the last result was that they couldn't see my right tube. I was told "it's either clogged or not there at all". Well, as someone wanting desperately to get pregnant, that was a HUGE blow and I was devastated by those results back then. I've been told by multiple Dr's and friends alike, to make sure and do this test right before we try to get pg because this can help clear the tubes and increase the pg chances. So, when I got the blood work news back, I had a decision to make. I asked the nurse if I could wait to have this test done a month or so later so I am ready to start trying the next month. She said "that decision is entirely up to you. Just remember that if you wait and then the test shows something the Dr. will need to do a procedure to fix, you will be delayed trying even longer". That being the case, we decided to go ahead and have this test done.

So, we had this done last Tuesday, August 26th. I was pretty nervous because I was so hoping we could see two tubes and it would all be ok. We got set-up and he had the screen where I could see what was going on. After a few minutes, and some intense cramps, he pointed out what he was seeing. No dye was going thru the right tube. He asked me about the laprascopic surgery I had done to remove a cyst in my uterus two years ago and how long that was done before I had this test the last time. I told him and he said he would let them take me back to the little room and he would come see us in a few minutes. I was disappointed, but not shocked like last time. When he came to see us, he said he thought the problem was when the cyst from the top right side of my uterus was removed, it caused scar tissue to grow over and block my tube. He showed us the pictures from the test and how where the right side should go into a funnel shape to the opening of the tube, mine is blunted. It's nice to hear a reason for this that makes sense. I felt good that he said we could go in and remove that but not promise it wouldn't grow back over and cause the same problem. The problem is, that for almost two years now, every other month we had ZERO CHANCE OF GETTING PREGNANT because the eggs aren't making it thru the tube. NICE...GREAT!!! HOW MUCH MONEY HAVE WE WASTED TRYING EVERY OTHER MONTH WHEN IT COULDN'T POSSIBLY WORK??!!  So, we will be trying every other month, when we do actually get to start trying. 
The next POSSIBLE hurdle he advised us of was when I said "after I get this next blood test and see the CMV virus is no longer active, we can start talking about when we will try, right? His response was: "Well, IF your follow-up blood test is negative for active CMV, you are correct. However, IF the test still shows CMV to be active, I will send you to an Infectious Disease Dr. and they will have to get this under control and make sure it is no longer active before we can even talk about trying."  Excuse my frustration here.. but WTF??!!!
The ignorant part of me was lulled into thinking the 2nd blood test was merely a formality. I don't know why I didn't think it could still be active, I guess because I just didn't know anything about CMV and the nurse didn't lead me to believe there was any concern about another test possibly coming back active again.
The next morning, on the way to work, I had a slight breakdown and confused Joy a little. She didn't really understand why I was upset and I just had to tell her that I'm SOOOO frustrated that even though we have been moving in the right direction by finding an RE and getting things ready, there has been ONE HURDLE AFTER ANOTHER since our first visit with him and that's been almost two months now and we are at least another month and a half from being able to try for our first time with him. On top of that, we may be much longer than that depending on this blood test and add to that, the fact that when we are actually close to starting, we will have to see if I'm ovulating on the correct side or if that will back us up another month. OMG, can you say BIOLOGICAL CLOCK??!! November will bring my 38th birthday and lord knows how long it will still take us when we finally do get started.
Sorry for such a HUGE post and I promise, regardless of how this post sounds, I'm really not feeling completely negative about the process, just ready to be ttc again. The sooner we start trying again, the sooner we will get pg, right?
The last thing I can think of that's been going on, is that I had a friend on one of the boards I belong to who has gotten pregnant, YEAH, who offered to send me her left-over injectibles at no cost, except shipping, because her insurance paid for it completely and she knew we had been trying for so long and wanted to help. Well, I wasn't in a huge hurry to get them here and we talked on e-mail about the shipping and I asked her to find out how much it would be so I could send a Money order or something to pay for it to be shipped with dry ice so they wouldn't ruin. Since then, I've had a really hard time getting her to respond to my e-mails and I think our chances of getting her meds at this point are slim to none. The biggest part that sucks about that is that I was very trusting of the fact that this would work out and felt great that it was going to save us $750 to $850 PER TRY, since our insurance will exactly ZERO toward any of this process. Oh well, no reason to cry over spilled milk there, huh? Disappointing, but I guess it's just something else to add to our list.

The next, and hopefully last, hurdle is the blood test, which I can have done anytime September 15th or later.

If you've actually read this far, THANK YOU for your patience and support!!
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